A guide for families
What to ask, and what to look for, when you visit
Most visits end with everyone saying everything is fine, because that is what the questions invited. These are the ones that get you an actual answer, and they are all reasonable things to ask.
Six questions worth asking
“Is she doing okay?” will get you “she’s doing great.” Every question below is specific enough that a vague answer is itself information.
Who saw her yesterday, and roughly when?
Not whether somebody saw her, but who. A specific name and time means somebody knows. A general answer about the team means nobody is tracking it.
What did she eat yesterday?
Weight loss is one of the earliest signs that something is wrong, and it is invisible on a fortnightly visit. Somebody should be able to answer this.
Has she mentioned any pain, and what happened about it?
The second half matters more than the first. Pain that was noticed and not acted on is a different problem from pain nobody heard about.
When was her plan of care last reviewed, and can I see it?
Every resident must have a written plan of care, and she has the right to be part of building and reviewing it. Asking signals you know that.
What happens overnight if she needs somebody?
Staffing at 3am is a different question from staffing at 3pm, and the honest answer varies enormously between homes.
Who do I call when I am worried and it is a Sunday?
If there is no name and no number, that is worth knowing before the Sunday you need it.
Six things worth noticing
None of these means anything on its own. All of them mean something as a pattern, and a pattern is what you are in a position to see and the staff are not.
Her clothes and her nails
Personal care is the first thing to slip when a floor is short-staffed. One off day means nothing. A pattern over several visits is worth raising.
Whether the staff use her name
You learn more in ten seconds of watching somebody greet her than in any answer to any question.
Her water glass
Full and out of reach is the one to notice. Dehydration is common, easy to miss, and it looks like confusion before it looks like thirst.
How she is on the phone versus in person
Many people are brighter in front of a visitor. If she is flat on the phone midweek and cheerful when you arrive, believe the phone.
Whether anything she told you about got fixed
The cold radiator, the light bulb, the missing slipper. Small things that never get resolved are the most reliable signal you have, because they are the ones nobody is watching.
What she does not say
People protect their children from worry. If she has stopped mentioning a friend, an activity, or a meal she used to like, ask about it directly.
The thing a visit cannot tell you
Everything above is worth doing, and none of it covers Tuesday.
A visit tells you how she was on the day you were there. The days in between are the ones you have no way to see, and they are most of them. That is not a failing of the home; a floor of sixty residents cannot have a real conversation with all sixty every day, and nobody has invented the staffing for it.
That gap is why VoiceRounds exists: one short call to every resident, every day, so somebody hears how she actually is on the days nobody is visiting.